Tara Tagliaferro joins Sarah MacDougall to share her experience with circle in the musical theatre community in New York City and beyond.
English captions are available on the video.
Video transcript
Sarah:
Welcome, Tara.
Tara:
Thank you so much, Sarah.
Sarah:
It's so wonderful to have a conversation with you this morning.
Tara:
Thank you.
Sarah:
You have been using Circle for a long time and you have evolved in that. And so how about if we just start by giving us a little bit of story about how you got involved in Circle and what you're doing right now?
Tara:
Thank you for the question. I haven't answered this in quite some time. Let's see how it's landing today... but my name is Tara. I use she/her pronouns and circle work has been a part of my life since... I want to say, 2016 is when I started organizing myself, but I started attending Circles in 2015... so right in that sweet 20-something spot of my lifetime, where I was just really wanting deeper connection with other human beings. I am a musical theater artist in New York city. And our lifestyles often are very hustle-y. To support ourselves financially and to get the next job we're just consistently on the go, quite literally, sometimes having to leave the city for jobs. So it's just a lot of chaos it feels like that... its beautiful chaos, magical chaos that is a part of that career, but something that can happen with musical theater artists is if you don't have a show, you don't have a community. Sometimes that could feel like that can go away when you're back in the city and you're in the grind, as we call it.
Tara:
And I wanted to change that or not feel I need to have a show to feel I have a family of people. So that's where Circle came in for me. And I'm very lucky to have studied with Sora Schilling. She's incredible. I studied with her for a year and had the courage to start my own group in my home. And it's gone on such a roller coaster ride since then. In the pandemic, it kind of blew up, because of obvious needs during isolation, where we were meeting two to three times a week. And now it's figuring out a new life. I think for the folks that it serves, who right now... I think a lot of us are craving spaciousness as busyness starts to become a little bit more of the norm, again, for a lot of us, our city folks.
Tara:
But now we have a international community. We have some people who don't even live in the States anymore in this group. So it's wild, just how it has evolved, ebbed, and flowed. And it's not linear. It's definitely a circle itself. It just goes through different seasons. So I'm excited to have... we took off April. So the first Circle back is on Sunday for May Day. And for some New Moon medicines. I'm just really excited to be back in sacred space to slow down. That is my favorite part of Circle work.
Sarah:
How wonderful that you're having a coming around full circle, too.
Tara:
Yes.
Sarah:
This Sunday... wonderful. So how about... share a little bit about how you found The Circle Way and how you have integrated The Circle Way process into the circles that... I know that you are in the theater community. I also know that you have a group of women that you meet in Circle. I believe you call that the Circlehood?
Tara:
The Circlehood.
Sarah:
And so talk a little bit about how The Circle Way has impacted that process.
Tara:
I think... going back to when I was on retreat with Sora out in Asheville, North Carolina, I was staying with another one of the circle participants... she had an expansive library in her guest room that I was staying in and my eyes caught The Circle Way book that was in her library. And I read it in two days and I was, this is awesome. And it just also was such a nice complimentary book to read while being in the Circle training retreat. So that was my first introduction... was just randomly being in a friend’s space. She had the book in her space. I read it in that time that I was there. And I think I even purchased my own copy when I came home, which was great.
Tara:
So it's always been like... I like to always have libraries around me. I just feel safe when there are books around me for everything... theater work and Circle Work and anything that I'm seeking. I love to have some books to be around me just to... I don't know, to use as a resource. So I've always had the Circle Way, in terms of books. And then we actually... within the Circlehood, we had a Circle that was devoted to grant writing and seeking support. So some of our Circles, we do bring in some tasks to do together. And this was one of those. And one of the gals in this Circle, found The Circle Way grant and she shared it with me and I was, oh, this is something that I should look into as I try to be as accessible as possible, which is a goal always, but also can make the time and energy going into Circle Work, feel sometimes a little one sided if there isn't some support coming back on end.
Tara:
So I was, I should definitely do this because this would be really amazing to have the financial support, have the mentorship support. And just to also see my blind spots, too, in Circle work, which was so helpful when we first met way back when... gosh, I guess that was January 2021, a while ago now, which feels like a different lifetime. But I have really enjoyed working with everyone at The Circle Way with just learning different tools I could bring into the space, different refinery I could bring into the space. One of the biggest things being this right here, the Circlehood bell, which I did not have until I met y'all at The Circle Way, as a way to ring in the space to let go where we were in the day before. And just to come into a more secret existence in a... just setting the intention of the space and this is where we're going to be for the next two hours.
Tara:
So the bell is such a presence now in the Circle space, which is really cool. We use the bell for different reasons. Sometimes people ask for it when they want a clearing. It's just so nice to have another cool tool that transcends virtually since some of our Circles are still virtual. We actually have been doing hybrid Circles, which is something I never thought I would say where I set up my television in my living room to be half of the Circle. So that's... anyone who wants to show up is on the TV, in my space. And then anyone who shows up in person kind of fills out the Circle in an actual space. Wild... and it works. Honestly we've had really good success with our hybrid experiences... the women who were virtual saying, they feel they're in the space. And I think it's because we have these tools... the bell, we have sacred agreements in place, we know how to show up when we come into this space. And I think there's just a genuine... ah, for anyone who enters.
Sarah:
Any of the other components that come to mind that are in the process that seem to provide the energy field that you create... the sacred space that you create that really have amplified, especially in the hybrid situation?
Tara:
Yes. I love having a check in at the top, before even the bell rings. It's almost a part of that transition in of, okay, state where you're at. Just be honest. And I think there's a lot of freedom that people feel and just being, okay, I can answer, how are you really? I don't have to do my usual mask thing if I'm going about my day. So that's been nice to just have, okay, we get to see each other, we get to have this clearing and we get to enter this space together. And I think the agreements that we have just keep getting more and more expanded, especially in terms of inclusivity, from everything, from neuro divergency to able bodied languages that speak to abled bodies, disabled bodies... we're just consistently listening and expanding that and making sure our language sees everyone who would want to come into the space.
Tara:
And that has been magical, to see that expand. And I think that's on everybody in the community. We consistently have feedback and we definitely... Circle is not immune from hurts or harms happening within the space. Even if it's a sacred space, it still can happen. So we... I think Circle Way, helps me with getting systems in for that too... like having an ouch system and being able to hold anything that arises with compassion, with intention to heal, always. I think my language, that has been the biggest, I think, shift for me, in working with The Circle Way and taking that work and putting it to practice and Circlehood is just... language is never cemented in. We're always writing in sand and we're always... I feel I'm always trying to let my language be more like true spell work and see every single human being as best as it can. And it's cool that it always changes.
Sarah:
Thank you. Can you have any particular stories or incidents... could you give us some story of how the Circle may have gone at a time? Something that surprised you?
Tara:
This is probably one of my favorite stories. I don't think I've actually ever told it either. I probably will have tears in my eyes because it's just... I think what Circle does too, is it allows you to see magic in a way that... I mean, full body chill magic, where you just feel so connected to other human beings. So we had a retreat this past summer... that was the first time I led a retreat. It was unbelievable. We had a waterfall in our backyard. We had a bear that came and said hello to us. It just was such an amazing experience for all these femme and female identifying beings who just were craved to be in an actual physical space with one another after two years, or, I guess at that time, a year and a half of being contained to virtual existence.
Tara:
So at this space, my birthday was in this retreat time. So August 11th is my birthday and we closed out our space that evening, because we were leaving in the morning. The next day was our final day and we were just going to let that be a very chill exit of the space. But we closed out... all the ceremony and rituals and Circle experiences that night. And two of the gals... after we had closed the space outside, on... just that August burnt wood smell was just insane at the time. It just... the smells in nature were amazing. And a lot of us didn't want to leave or get up. We were just wanting to stay in the space for as long as possible. So the two gals stayed behind. One of the gals had been going through a divorce that we were witnessing in Circle for quite some time. And she just looked at me at the... she stayed back with another gal.
Tara:
So two gals stayed back. It was just the three of us just sitting together while everyone was kind of getting up and going. And this gal was, today is my wedding anniversary, which is... my birthday day was her wedding anniversary. And she's, I think I just need to cry. We went by the waterfall and I just held her and she cried and I've never seen someone just give themselves over to letting go ever before like that in my life. And the other sister who stayed back, she's, I don't think Tara that you knew this, my wedding anniversary for my relationship that is no longer anymore, that was abusive, was August 11th.
Tara:
And it's just like, what? What? Here we have a woman who got out of an abusive relationship, same wedding anniversary as the one who's going through it... just starting to go through the divorce practice, letting it all be seen and go and be messy and complicated. We have both of us holding her and this space just with this crazy... what are the odds that this date symbolized so much for me as, this is the day I was born and these two women who had these relationships that were no longer serving them? And one very, very much in the completion phase... moved on from and the other in that middle of it, just to see all those... just to see all our different ways of holding each other.
Tara:
I can't even find the words. It just was one of the most beautiful moments of my life to be able to be witness to someone, let go like that, to feel we were meant to be there together to see someone who has been through what this gal is going through and she's in the worst of it right now, standing there strong holding her. I just... I have no words. It's just beautiful.
Sarah:
Thank you. Thank you for sharing that... the depth of the connections between people, which is something that is so necessary and more so now, in our world with what is happening... the divisiveness. So, any other final thoughts or comments that you would like to put into our conversation today that might be in your heart right now?
Tara:
I'm just grateful... just so grateful to even just have this time right now, to reflect back to you how much the work that we did together has stuck. It's been some time and it's still very present. And just to kind of go back to those beginning threads is really lovely. I can often feel like I'm just going to the next thing, but to have these moments where I stop and look back, remind me of what has happened. And Circle is the best marker of time, I think, that exists, where you could really see how you're blooming, how you're evolving and witness that in other human beings and just be so, I don't know, proud of them, in love with them... whatever that word is for you or that relationship is for you.
Tara:
I just am very grateful that I've been taught how to love deeper through this work and how to be there for people in a way that I don't even... I don't know if I would have known how to be there, but just to trust the backbone that y'all create. So thank you for doing what you do in the world. Thank you for just being a book in a guest bedroom I happen to be in... that's the magic too, that often if we don't speak out loud, we don't really even know what's happening, but it is happening. Someone right now is probably reading a book and being, oh, this can change my life. This can... if I bring Circle into my community, this can change it. And that's just so cool to think about.
Sarah:
Well, Tara, thank you for who you are. Thank you for being open to actually acting on some information that came your way and thank you for building and cultivating Circle so that the people around you witness you actually living the Circle and that the ripple effect of that is very... it's very powerful. So thank you so much for this time together to have this conversation and many blessings as you go on your way.
Tara:
Thank you.
Tara Tagliaferro is a buena strega of the concrete jungle (Queens, NY), globetrotting theatrical artist with Broadway International/National Tours to her name, and ambiverted wallflower choosing to bloom each day on her own time. She is the founder and lead facilitator of The Circlehood, a gathering space for practicing communal care, lunar living, and seenery, our empathetic sorcery. Her podcast Down the Yellow Brick Pod with co-host Emily Kay Shrader preserves and peels "back the curtain" on the wonderful world of Oz as a rich fantasy intersection for multi-generational connection and spiritual relevance (think "the NPR of Oz!). Tara also tutors chess throughout the boroughs of NYC. Find her @taratagtickles, @downtheyellowbrickpod, or @the.circlehood on IG, or buried in a good book.